Growing Into My Self Realization

Alright, so it has been some time since I accepted my self COMPLETELY as a bisexual male, and identified more as a gay Bear for what I have to call my gay side.

One disturbing thing that I have run into in this culture of enlightenment in the GBLTQ+++ community is an unacceptance of the bisexual male as a contributing and caring part of the community. It isn’t an overall feeling from all, but it seems to be prevalent in online gay groups and forums.

See, the thing is with me, I truly am split. I desire women for women’s sake and men for men’s sake. I really have no genuine desire to participate with both at the same time, nor do I fantasize about such scenarios. I am both Gay and Straight. Is that not the definition of Bi? Apparently not, because trying to communicate with “some” in both camps, once they find you are Bi is difficult because I am not “one of them”. Frustrating as hell.

I went through most of my life denying my true sexuality and presenting as straight. Now I am free of that and quite frankly am more attracted to men, but I am not wholly gay. To be crass, I have gotten off and still get off on the idea of sex with women, just that right now I would say I am more sexually attracted and desire to pursue men.

Add to that the fact that I am married to a woman, and it really turns some off. I cannot help it if I am attracted to men as well, or that my sex life is non-existent with the woman that I love. Nor can I help that my libido is always in hyper-drive. I guess, if you want to be super moral about it all, I should be celibate and miserable with my only sexual companion being my hand!

So, where does that leave me now? Kind of afloat with a lack of acceptance from most groups. I am fortunate enough to have found another Bear, who is much like me, in that he is bisexual and understands my predicament. We fit together, not as lovers that want to get married, make house, and have a white picket fence, but as equals that are best friends that enjoy the manly arts of the outdoors, BBQ’s, beer, and hanging out. All with the added benefit of mutually pleasing each other sexually. It isn’t romantic, it isn’t a marriage type of relationship. It is a Best Friends with Best Benefits.